Chewbacca Joke 141

The 50 stars on the American flag don’t stand for the number of states. They stand for how many times Chewbacca is going to smash your face into a car windshield if you give him a dirty look.

Chewbacca Fact #140

Chewbacca was the subject of an animated rockumentary composed by the band Supernova. In it, he battles Hitler, saves Betty Rubble and, erm, uses the toilet.

Chewie: whatta Wookie.

Chewbacca Fact 139

Contrary to popular belief, Hitler didn’t commit suicide. Chewbacca ripped his face off. Repeatedley.

Chewbacca joke 138

Chewbacca is so badass he can kick ass, and not take names later.

Chewie joke 137

Chewbacca doesn’t use a calculator. He punches problems in the face until they give him answers.

Chewbacca Joke 136

Chewbacca spreads napalm jelly on his toast every morning.

Chewbacca joke 135

Chewbacca was employed as a living land mine in the Vietnam War. There have been no other sucessful attmepts at creating such high level of power.

Chewie Fact 135

Chewbacca plays dodgeball with 12 kiloton concrete balls, and then uses them as meatballs in his spaghetti.

Chewbacca joke 134

Chewie fought the law and the law won. Seconds after being arrested, Chewie beat one of the police officers to a quivering pulp with another police officer.

Chewie Fact 133

Chewbacca is awesome beyond comprhension, and more than you could ever aspire to be.

Chewbacca Fact 132

 

Seconds after this photo was taken Chewbacca sprang intoaction and literally ate this man alive, after ripping him in half of course. Don’t mess with Chewie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

chewie fact 131

Chewbacca has enough fur to supply every person on the planet with 54 fur coats, and even then he’d still have afull coat for himself left over.

Chewbacca Joke 130!

Chewbacca was once a guest judge on American Idol. He still hangs out with Randy Jackson on weekends.

Chewbacca Joke 129

Chewbacca’s fearsome Wookiee growl once destroyed a small town in the Nevada dessert. The US government attempted to cover the event up by stating that there was nuclear testing going on.  Many other apparent “nuclear” incidents have actually been Chewbacca cover ups.

CHEWBACCA JOKE/FACT 128

Chewie enjoys riding motorcycles around in the dessert for no apparent reason. When asked on this topic, Chewbacca simply stated he was planning on making a giant picture of himself in the sand using his tire tracks. Whether or not he accomplished this goal, we do not know. However, when Americans started to move West in the 1800’s people found a large mountain range shaped eerily like a large dog. The Rocky Mountains have since changed in appearence due to erosion and other natural causes.

Chewbacca 127

Chewbacca doesn’t cook. He simply points at his table and a five star gourmet meal appears out of thin air.

Chewie Fact 126

When not fighting the Evil Empire or hanging out with Spiderman, Chewie satisfies his  need for attention by performing as a Wookiee cannonball in an intergalactic circus. This may sound pathetic, but all that hair causes a lot of drag, so you can tell he’s really booking it. Plus he’s still wearing his bandoleer in case he needs to kill something in middle of flying through the air. That’s pretty impressive if you think about it.

Inspired by

Chewie Fact 125

Chewbacca taught Lance Armstrong how to ride the bike.

Chewbacca Joke 124

Chuck Norris counted to infinty, twice. Not to be outdone, Chewbacca counted to infinty, infinty times.

Chewbacca joke 123

Chewbacca can have his cake and eat it too. If you even think about trying to stop him from doing this he will eat you. Seriously.

Chewbacca Joke 122

Chewbacca is a better dancer than Michael Jackson. Times 10.

Chewie Fact 121

The movie Jurassic Park was based on the events that transpired when Chewbacca made some dinosaurs out of thin air and released them into a shopping mall.

Chewbacca Joke 120!

Chewbacca has a pet T-Rex in his Paris apartment, along with a collection of small amphibious pandas.

Chewie Fact 119

Chewbacca was a contestant on Dancing With The Stars, until he tore a judge’s arms off after an unfavorable comment.

Chewie Joke/Factoid 118

Chewbacca once transformed himself into cardboard. Why? Because he can, and if you question Chewie’s decision he will literally end you. Literally.

Chewbacca Joke 117

Chewbacca doesn’t use spellcheck, because the words automatically arrange themselves correctly in fear of being uber-killed by Chewie’s furious Wookiee Roar.

Chewbacca joke 116

Chewie doesn’t need to use pesticides on his garden to keep bugs away. This is because if the insects even think about eating some of Chewie’s plants they will spontaneously combust on the spot. That’s just how awesome Chewbacca is.

Chewie Fact 115

In the original grading system, there were only A’s, D’s, and F’s. The B’s and C’s were added later because Chewbacca felt that he should have a part in deciding the fate of millions of lives, and added his initials to the sytem: C B.

Chewie Joke 114

When Chewbacca looks in the mirror, he sees no reflection. This is not only due to the fact that he is a vampire, but also because there can only be one Chewbacca.

Chewbacca Joke 113

Chewbacca is actually a Transformer. He transforms into a turbo powered Ferrari, which has built in rocket lasers and an iPod docking station.

chewie joke 112

Head Chef Ramsay from Hell’s Kitchen once challenged Chewbacca to a cook off. Chef Ramsay ceases to exist.

chewie joke 111

 

 

Chewie works as a babysitter part time, because his fur is deadly enough to poison a city block, yet it can calm a baby to sleep.

CHEWBACCA JOKE 110

Contrary to popular belief, Han Solo was actually Chewbacca’s sidekick.

Chewbacca joke 109

Chewbacca was best friends with Da Vinci.

Chewbacca joke 108

Chewbacca ran a marathon around the equator of the Earth….in four seconds.

Chewbaccca joke 107

 

Chewie invented chess because he didn’t like checkers.

Chewbacca Fact 106

One kiss from Chewbacca can cause a nuclear explosion.

Chewbacca joke 106

The Holy Grail is actually located in Chewbacca’s kitchen, unknown to millions of seekers.

Chewbacca joke 105

Never tell  Chewie to ‘fetch’. He will tear your arms out of their sockets.

chewbacca fact 104

Chewbacca doesn’t use hot sauce. He simply travels to active volocanoes and uses molten lava as a topping on his chili.

Chewie FACT NUMBER 103

When Chewbacca was a toddler, he used to play in a sandbox. The result were Egypt’s great pyramids.

Chewbacca Fact #102

Chewbacca washes his flowing mane of hair with a pot of melted leprechaun gold.

Chewie Fact #101

Chewbacca was briefly transformed into a human so he could appear in the movie Highlander.

Chewbacca Fact Number 100!!

On 10/9/09, NASA shot a rocket into the moon to discover if it had water under the surface. Contrary to popular belief, the rocket was actually Chewbacca in disguise.

Chewbacca Fact 99

Chewbacca drives a flaming chopper covered with the bones of unlucky victims.

Chewbacca Fact 98

When Chewbacca is called to Jury Duty, he doesn’t go. He simply sends a photo of his face melting glare in reply to the letter and goes about his buisness.

Chewie Fact No. 97

Chewbacca inspired Pink Floyd’s famous song Another Brick In The Wall Part 2, which featured the prominent lyrics, “We don’t need no education.” after finding a loop hole in Einstein’s theory of relativity at age three.

Chewie fact #96

Chewbacca is actually made of sponge, marzipan and jam, and is so very very tasty. Much tastier, in fact, than a stormtrooper coated in butter.

Chewbacca Fact 95

Chewbacca created The Rolling Stones because he didn’t like The Beatles.

Chewbacca Fact 94

Chewbacca thinks that he is awesome, so therefore he is.

Chewbacca Fact 93

 

Chewbacca is awesome. If for even one second you think about Chewbacca not being awesome, Chewbacca will crash through a window, tear your arms off, and beat you to death with them. Then he will win 67 consecutive NFL Superbowls in a row while listening to Rush.

Chewbacca Fact 92

Chewbacca ate a steel bar and crapped out the Death Star.

Chewbacca Fact 91

Chewbacca actually wrote John Lennon’s song, Imagine. He let him copy it so he could get free tickets to a Beatles reuinion concert.

Chewbacca Fact 90!

The Grim Reaper is afraid to tell Chewbacca that he died in the 1999 book Vector Prime.

Chewbacca Fact 89

Chewbacca doesn’t listen to CD’s, he simply punches famous rock bands in the face until they play a live performance for him.

Chewbacca Fact 88

Chewbacca is so good at Runescape, that his combat level just says: “Mess With Me And Your Arms Will Automatically Be Torn From Their Sockets, And Then You Will Blow Up In The Pure Awesomeness Of ME!!!”.

Chewbacca Fact 87

Reported encounters with BigFoot, Yeti, wolfmen,  and Harry Henderson have actually been discovered to be Chewbacca.

Chewie Fact 86

Chewbacca actually gets haircuts regularly because if he did not he would grow a ferocious mane of raw power which would consume the world.

Chewbacca Fact 85

Briefly in 2005, all Chewbacca action figures had to be recalled from stores after reports of children getting  their arms torn from their sockets by Chewie’s little plastic hands.

Chewbacca Fact 84

Chewbacca invented the term “blood sucking lawyers” after roaring at his lawyer with such intensity that he was turned into a vampire.

Chewbacca Fact No. 83

Chewbacca speaks with grunts and growls because he’s too cool for words.

Chewbacca Fact 82

Chewbacca keeps a spare laser rocket launcher under his coat of fur in case he needs to destroy an entire planet, which he does on a daily basis.

Chewie Fact 81

Chewbacca actually has two other arms which he conceals unless he needs to completely own Doc Ock from Spiderman, which he does on every other weekend.

Chewbacca Fact 80

Chewbacca created the evil Empire because he had already beat-down every other thing in the Universe.

Chewbacca Fact 79

Chewbacca once ripped a man’s arms off, just for snoring too loud.

Chewbacca Fact 78

 

Chewbacca is an insanely skilled bass player, only to be rivaled by Geddy Lee, the bassist and lead singer of Chewie’s favourite band, Rush.

Chewie Fact No. 77

Chewbacca’s career as an MLB superstar came to an abrupt end when he ripped an umpire’s arms out of their sockets.

Chewie Fact #76

Chewbacca’s head is actually edible and considered a delicacy in certain Asian and Central American countries. Some say that one munch on the hallowed fur can lead to a level of strength humankind cannot quantify.

Chewbacca Fact No. 75

To show his gratitude for allowing him live, the Emperor has a tattoo of Chewbacca, aswell as a framed picture of the two at a Rush concert.

Chewbacca Fact 74

 

If you can see Chewbacca, he can see you. If you can’t see Chewbacca, you may have only seconds before your arms are torn from their sockets.

Chewbacca Fact No. 73

 

Chewbacca was originally cast to play the Terminator. However, he was fired on account of tearing off the arms of the director, after losing in a game of checkers to him.

Chewie Fact 72

Chewbacca uses a simple three step process to pwn his foes: Aim, Shoot, PWNED.

Chewie Fact No. 71

Chewbacca currently holds every single Olympic Record in the history of the world

Chewbacca Fact No. 70

Chewbacca’s only talks in grunts and growls because if anyone ever heard his real voice, their head would explode in the pure awesomeness.

Chewbacca Fact No. 68

 

Chewbacca, so tough he just scared away color.

Chewbacca Fact 67

Chewbacca’s roar is fierce enough to wipe out city blocks, yet it is gentle enough to soothe an infant to sleep.

Chewie Fact 66

For a limited time during the 1977 Academy Awards, the Oscar was replaced with a new award, named the Chewie.

 

Chewbacca Fact 65

 

Chewbacca is set to appear on the US 2011 twenty dollar bill.

Chewie Fact No. 64

Princess Leia should have given Chewie his medal……

Chewie Fact No. 63

Chewie could deflect lightsabers with his bare hands and drink raw X-Wing fuel straight out of the tank.

Chewie Fact Number 62

 

Chewbacca possesses to powers of telekinesis, and can communicate with all creatures of the universe.

Chewbacca Fact No. 61

 

Mario should have let the Wookiee win…

Chewbacca Fact Number 60

Chewbacca is an NBA All Star. He currently holds the world record for slam dunks.

Chewie Fact No. 59

The popular video game series, Halo, was based on Chewbacca’s first Boy Scout field trip.

Chewbacca fact #58

Chewbacca is so incredibly awesome that he could overpower any of the other cardboard cutouts in the comic book shop within seconds, and be moving on to the collection of Spiderman collectables before you can say “Holy Jeebs!”

Chewbacca Fact 57

The Locust Horde from the Gears of War series were actually Chewbacca’s third grade science fair project.

Chewie Fact 56

When alone in the Millenium Falcon’s cockpit, Chewie likes to get groovy.

Chewie Fact Number 55

Chewbacca uses his Wookiee Mind Tricks to control to weak minded.

Chewbacca Fact 54

Chewbacca can transform his body into virtually any shape on Earth. In this video he is seen as a nightstand.

Chewbacca Fact Number #53

Chewbacca is actually good friends with Spiderman. They like to have a cup of joe on good mornings.

Chewbacca Fact 52

Chewbacca is secretly a multimillion dollar rock star.

Chewie Fact 51

Chewbacca has the guitar skills of Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Slash, Eddie Van Halen, and Jimmy Page combined. His guitar riffs were burned to a CD, which was used as the key ingredient in the atomic bomb.

Chewbacca Fact 50!

Under neath Chewbacca’s fur coat is a layer of armor made from a combination of steel and ivory, indestructable cell phones, spider silk, and 17 Chinese phone books.

Chewbacca Factoid 49

If you cut open Chewbacca’s body you would find that he is actualy a combination of atomic warheads, monster trucks, ninja swords, and brain eating zombies.

Chewie Fact Number 48

Koolaid Man hides under his bed every day because he found out Chewbacca had an energy drink coming out in stores.

Chewbacca Fact Number 47

Chewbacca’s nickname “Chewie” came from how he used to describe what an 18-wheeler tasted like after he ate it. Han Solo had to find a new ride after that…….

Chewie Fact No. 46

Cha-Ka once challenged Chewbacca in an who is the best hairy sci-fi creature contest. Chewbacca beat Cha-Ka so badly, that he broke the space time continuim, sending Cha-Ka into an alternative universe, where he gets kicked in the face repeatedly all day long.

Chewie Factoid Numbah 45

The power of Chuck Norris’ beard looks like a girl scout compared to the might of Chewbacca’s mystical fur.

Chewbacca fact #44

Chewie is so indestructible that he was employed as a human tank by the US Army to fight in WWII. Subsequent attempts to recreate his level of armour using stainless steel and London gangsters have been largely unsuccessful.

Chewbacca Factoid Number 43

Chewbacca once created an asteroid so heavy that he could not lift it. Then he lifted it anyway and crushed it with his bare hands.

Chewbacca Fact No. 42

Contrary to popular belief, the Earth actually revovles around Chewbacca.

Chewie Fact Number 41

Instead of water, Chewbacca drinks Mercury.

Chewie Fact No. 40

Chewbacca mixes his morning coffee with rat poison and spreads radioactive goop on his toast.

Chewbacca Fact Number 39

One idiot thought he could over power Chewbacca using 12 gallons of Nair. Chewie took the Nair from the man, drank it all, and only a quater of one hair fell off. Then, he unleashed a Wookiee roar that was so powerful, the man’s skin had peeled off his body.

Chewbacca Fact Numero 38

Chewbacca was the drummer for the band Galaxy Rock (Pictured above). Chewie was imediantly inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame as the Greatest Drummer of All Time. All other competition have been killed in strange bowcaster incidents.

Chewbacca Fact # 37

When Chewbacca laughs at danger, danger goes running home crying for its mommy.

Chewbacca Fact Number 36

The proton missle Luke Skywalker shot to destroy the Death Star was actually a metal casing, which contained Chewbacca inside.

Chewie Fact No. 35

Every New Year, Chewie fishes for Colo claw fish(pictured above) with a paperclip and a piece of string attached to a toothpick, sucessfuly.

Chewie Fact No. 34

Chewbacca and his soccer team, The Fuzzballs (pictured above), have won the World Cup 24 consecutive times in a row. They accomplished this by relying on Chewie’s Wookiee-roar, which allowed The Fuzzballs to kick the ball in the net, while the other team lay on the ground, stunned by the piercing growl.

Chewie Fact No. 33

Ewoks are just leftovers from when Chewbacca shaves his fur.

Chewie Fact No. 32

Chewbacca ran for US president ’08. He decided to stop his campaign on the basis of “I have better places to enslave, like the entire Galaxy!”. Several weeks later, Chewie was forcing people to vote for him for Galactic President on the basis of “Vote for me or I will rip your limbs off!”.

Chewie Fact #31

Chewbacca was a pitcher for the New York Yankees in a previous life. Often the batter would purposely strike out just to be further away from Chewie’s piercing growl.

Chewie Fact No. 30

Every time Chewbacca pwns some one, comic book style phrases just appear out of nowhere in fear that if they don’t Chewie will pwn them too.

Chewie Fact Number 29

Chewbacca makes extra money by endorsing The Kashyyyk Times. Chewbacca stamped the paper’s logo onto his foot, so that when he stomps on his victims’ faces the last thing they see is “The Kashyyyk Times”.

Chewie Fact Number 28

Lando Calrissian once forgot to pay Chewbacca back his money. Now Lando drinks threw a metal straw in his nose.

Chewie Fact #27

Underneath his furry exterior, Chewie wears a bulletproof jacket to avoid being sniped in drive-by shootings comitted by those Trandosan slavers. He also keeps three chickens and a hammock underneath his knee.

Chewie Fact No. 26

Chewbacca randomly recieves gold medals just because of how awesome he is.

Chewbacca Fact Nuber 25

Chewbacca does not read. He stares datapads down until he gets the information he wants.

Chewie Fact Number 24

With every step, Chewbacca causes a wave of destruction.

Chewie Fact No. 23

When at the height of his power, Chewbacca can unleash a super powered force (pictured above), which can be extremely deadly. This has happened on two occasions. One, where the victim was torn in half, burst into flames, disenagrated, and repeated the process fourteen times before shattering into ten thousand pieces, which burst into flames. The second occasion, which was on a much lesser scale, resulted in Han Solo being spontaneously frozen in carbonite.

Chewbacca Fact Number 22

Chewbacca does not sleep. He waits.

Chewie fact 21

Chewbacca’s nickname is ‘Chewie’. Anybody found calling him ‘Chooey’, ‘Chuie’ or ‘Chwee’ will imediantly be eaten by Chewbacca’s pet Rancor.

Chewie Fact No. 20

Only three hairs have been lost from Chewbacca’s body. One was used to make a fur coat, which killed 7 people. Another fell into a punch bowl, and it killed all the geusts. The last was an ingreditant in the Atomic Bomb.

Chewbacca nugget #19

In 1998, Chewbacca sued a confectionery company for usage of the name “Chewie” on a make of chewing gum. The case lasted three years, the result of which was Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

Chewbacca Fact No. 18

Before the Emporer shoots lighting, he has to notify Chewbacca becuase he likes to watch people who are in pain.

Chewbacca Fact Number 17

Chewbacca does not need a star ship to attack an enemy fighter. He simply propels himself using the sheer power of his Wookiee roar and punches through the shields of the enemy ship with his bare hands.

Chewie Fun Fact Number Sixteen

Chewie’s favourite band is the Animals and his preferred method of transport is the van from Dumb and Dumber (pictured above).

Chewie Fact No. 15

Chewbacca’s bow caster is actually his modified hair groomer, which is why it sometimes fires poisonous hair balls.

Chewbacca fact No. 14

Chewbacca is the mutant offspring of a mop and Cousin It from the Addams Family. He has a picture of them in his bedroom, where he also has a poster of Bigfoot.

Chewie Fact No. 13

If the power of one Chewbacca Wookiee howl was harnessed, it could power the planet Courscant for 46 minutes.

Chewie Fact No. 12

When a Wookiee mother named her child Chewbacca, the baby transformed into a Wookiee who was smaller and walked on all fours. This was how the dog was created, every time a Wookiee child was named Chewbacca because there can only be one Chewbacca.

Chewie Facts Returns

After a couple of months, Chewbacca Facts have returned! Along with a small drawing of Chewie by me!

Chewie Fact No. 11

The scene in Star Wars: A New Hope where the princess calls Chewbacca a “walking carpet” was edited before the movie was released. In the original scene, Chewbacca tears the princess in half after he is insulted. The scene was edited by the editors, who later died from mysterious bowcaster incidents.

Chewie Facts Alternative Logo

Hi Chewie Fans, I created a new logo.

It will be the alternative logo to the blog.

Here it is:

Chewie Fact No. 10

The reason the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run in three parsects was because Chewbacca took a wiz in the fuel tank.

Chewie Fact No. 9

Chewbacca is so tough that when Rebel accidentally stepped on his foot he stared at him with such intesity his faced melted in the pure awesomeness.

Chewie Fact No. 8

Chewbacca is so tough that he can brake Stormtrooper’s neck with one blow.

Chewie Fact No. 7

Never call Chewbacca a “walking carpet”. Or he’ll rip your arms off.

Chewie Fact No. 6

Chewbacca breaks lightsabers over his leg and then drinks the cheap, neon fluid inside.

Chewie Fact No. 5

Chewbacca is so tough that he makes Jabba’s Rancor look like an Ewok.

Chewie Fact No. 4

Chewbacca is so tough that he could rip an X-Wing Fighter in half with his bare hands.

Chewie Fact No. 3

Chewbacca doesn’t tolerate friendly fire. When a rebel accidently shot him, he unleashed a Wookiee roar so powerful, that the man was reduced to a quivering pulp of weakness.

Chewie Fact No. 2

Chewbacca is so tough that when he lost a board game, he ripped the winner’s arms out of their sockets.

Chewie Fact No. 1

Chewbacca stared Darth Vader in the face and he backed down.